The Trial of Barabbas

by | Dec 2, 2023 | Buffoonery, Extras, Festivus 2011, Festivus 2012, Festivus 2013, Festivus 2014, Festivus 2015, Front Page, Guilty Pleasures, Irish Humor, Miscellaneous, Quotes, Random Memory, Shite My Parents Say, Sights - Original Images, Sights – Inspiration, Sights – Original Video, Sounds - Inspiration, Sounds - Originals, Sounds - The NarrowBacks, Startup, StoogeTV, The OverLords, Thought

A couple of years before the original Good Friday (I have THE BEST Good Friday story, but I’ll tell you that later), the crowd-favorite, Barabbas, was standing trial for the murder of a local man, Lazarus. The trial had been going on for days, and Barabbas’ defense attorney was wrapping things up.

(Transcribed from the original Aramaic)

Defense Attorney:

“Your Honor, Pharisees, Scribes, and good men of the jury. Over the last few days I have laid our a water-tight case to prove, beyond all reasonable doubt, that my client, Mr. Barabbas, is completely innocent in the untimely death of Mr. Lazarus. Now, my esteemed colleague on the other side will try to distract you from the truths of the case and try to rush you to false judgement, but I ask that you keep in thoughtful consideration the facts I’ve presented to you.

But, before the defense rests, your Honor, in the murder trial of John J. Lazarus, I’d like to call my last witness: One…JOHN…J…LAZARUS!

[Huge gasps and groans as Lazarus is helped through the crowd and up to the stand]

Prosecutor: “Oh, Jesus H. Christ!” as he scans the crowd for a familiar face.

Judge: “I declare a mistrial. [Gavel raps three times]. Mr. Barabbas, you are free to go.“

[A few cheers from the crowd as a now-annoyed Lazarus is helped down from the stand, grumbling all the way]

Prosecutor: (under his breath) “This is NOT over, Barabbas! Oh, far from it. I’ll make sure you’re crucified one day. And this time, Jesus won’t be there to save you!” [Foreshadowing]